The Not-So-Perfect Ending
by StormyBlue
Summary: It's been almost a year since killing the Archdemon and Rivkah and Alistair have settled into a close-to-normal life... Or have they? (Post- DA:O, rated M for sexual/violent content)
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This story assumes that you have hardened Alistair, not made him king, killed Loghain, and made him sleep with Morrigan to save both of you from dying. Enjoy._

I gasped for air as I woke up with a start. My hand had slipped under my pillow and was grasped firmly around the cool hilt of the dagger I kept there. It had been nearly a year since we fought the darkspawn, but I guess old habits do die hard. I slowed my breathing as my eyes quickly adjusted to the dark. Sensing nothing near, I allowed my hand to relax and slip out from under the pillow. I lay there for a moment, listening for the rhythmic breathing of Alistair, indicating I had not woken him. I heard him mumble something in his sleep and turned my head to see he had rolled over toward me sometime during the night. Whatever he was dreaming about must have been good, as he had the same goofy grin on his face that made me fall for him the first time.

I turned back to face the ceiling, trying to get my mind off that dream. It was a nightmare that I'd had before. Shortly after the archdemon had been slain I had the first nightmare. I dismissed it as nothing, honestly believing it was some sort of residual effect from his slaying. However, lately the nightmare had been getting more frequent and now I would have it more than twice a week.

It was a very haunting nightmare, in which the final battle played out again before my eyes. This time though, I had to watch Alistair die, and no matter how I tried to get to him, or the archdemon, first, the dream would always end the same. At the end of my nightmare I would be holding a dying Alistair in my arms, listening to his final words of "I love you". At the end there would be a booming voice that reverberated through my whole body saying "this is how it should have been." Lately, the feelings this dream brought had been more intense and the voice had stayed with me longer.

I let out a quiet sigh as I closed my eyes. I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep, I never could. I let my mind wander, trying to forget the nightmare. I felt Alistair shift positions, mumbling something again. I remembered the first time we really spoke to each other. It had been a night or two after we left Flemeth's hut, on our great quest to unite the various races under one flag. I remember waking up after one of many very vivid dreams about the archdemon to find Alistair sitting next to where I lay near the fire.

I suppose if I were to trace our relationship back to its roots, that's probably where it would start. Though it would be many battles and hard times, some of my dearest memories come from that time. A few tears ran down my cheek as I thought of all the friends I had lost. Lost in thought, I suddenly found myself in Alistair's warm embrace. I turned my head to find him peering at me through sleepy eyes.

"Can't sleep?" he inquired, still half asleep.

"I'm fine," I replied, turning toward him and kissing his forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"It's obvious you're not fine," Alistair rebuked me, now fully awake. He pulled himself up onto his elbow, so he was looking down on my tear stained face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied, sinking back into the pillows.

Alistair stared at me a little longer. The moon bounced it's light off his white skin, highlighting all the curves of his muscles. Even though it had been almost a year since we've had to battle, he was still in the same shape he had been in. I envied him because it seemed so easy for him to remain battle ready, while I struggled with it.

"Fine," Alistair said, breaking through my thoughts. "I'll let it go."

With that he let himself drop back onto the bed, and rolled over. I could tell by his posture he was sulking. He knew this wasn't the first time I had woken up in the middle of the night, though I don't know exactly how many times I had woken him. He had inquired about it before, and I had found opportunities to evade the question, which must frustrate him. I really hated when he was mad at me but I wasn't ready to lay all my sins out in front of him.

I snuggled up to his back and extended my neck out to whisper lightly in his ear.

"Don't be mad."

I felt him squirm a little. I knew that was the most surefire way to get him to stop being mad at me. I rested my head against his back, between his shoulders, and draped my arm over his chest. I felt him sigh a little, and a few moments later he took my hand into his and kissed it. His hand was so large compared to mine, and I always loved the way it engulfed mine. When he kissed it a second time, I knew he was no longer mad at me.


	2. Chapter 2

A small amount of tension still hung in the air that morning. I couldn't tell if Alistair was just sulking or if he was honestly mad that I wouldn't tell him why I couldn't speak of my nightmare. We went about our day as usual, eating breakfast in silence. It was shortly after we had cleaned off the table and started the dishes that a loud knocking came from the door. I moved to answer it, as Alistair was up to his elbows in soapy water. To my surprise Zevran was on the other side of it.

"Zev!" I declared, engulfing him in a hug.

The last year had been good to him. He was still in wonderful shape and just as tan as ever. It made me wonder if he had found some time to go to Antiva recently, as the snow had only recently disappeared from the ground in Ferelden. His hair was also quite a bit shorter now, and I couldn't help but wonder if Leliana had something to do with that. They had been spending a lot of time together before the winter set in, and it seemed evident to everyone but Alistair what was going on between them.

"It is good to see you!" Zevran exclaimed, returning the hug with twice the vigor.

I heard Alistair walk up behind me and quickly detangled myself from the Antivan Elf. Though Alistair knew I had always only been devoted to him, he was still uncomfortable with our relationship. Perhaps he saw Zevran as a threat because he was a fellow elf, or perhaps he was just afraid Zevran would somehow be able to seduce me.

Zevran, sensing the tension, walked right up to Alistair and engulfed him in a hug with the same vigor he had given me. Alistair turned about 50 shades of red, not really sure how to react. I couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh at the big shield warrior being so put off by such a comparably small gesture.

"What are you doing here?" Alistair inquired, finally pushing Zevran away.

"Can't an assassin pop in unannounced on some old friends?" Zevran asked, feigning innocence (or at least as much as he could muster).

"So you came all this way to hug me?" Alistair retorted, sarcasm dripping from the sentence like maple syrup.

"Sadly no," the elf replied bluntly. "Although the hug was nice."

"So what did you come here for then?" I inquired before Alistair had a chance to say something that he might regret.

"I came to officially invite the heroes of Ferelden to Queen Anora's wedding," Zevran stated, trying to sound as official as possible, ending his invitation with a sweeping bow.

"Not interested," Alistair said, turning away.

I watched him walk into the bedroom and a small sigh involuntarily left my lips.

"When is it?" I asked, turning back to Zevran.

"It will be in 5 days," Zevran smiled. "I will look forward to seeing you there. Now I must be off to Redcliffe to deliver the same message to Arl Eamon."

"Thank you Zev," I said, walking him to the door.

_"Good luck,"_ he mouthed to me as he left.

I could hear Alistair sigh very loudly from the next room. I knew he was doing that in an effort to engage me in an argument. Rather than obliging him by asking what was wrong, I went back to the kitchen to finish cleaning the dishes. By the time I was done, Alistair had joined me in the kitchen.

"Do we really have to go?" Alistair whined.

"Yes," I replied, resolutely meeting his eyes. "We are the heroes of Ferelden. If we don't go it would look like we are snubbing her."

"And that would be….bad," Alistair hesitated, watching my eyes for a response.

"Yes, my dear," I kissed him in response. "Anora could be led to believe you are leading a rebellion against her, to claim the throne."

"Maybe I am," Alistair kissed me back, this time with a fire.

His kiss left me barely able to stand. It took all my strength and training to focus myself on the task at hand. I pushed Alistair back with one hand, using the other to steady myself on the nearby table. His eyes danced mischievously, as his mouth formed into that quirky smile that made me fall for him. It made me wonder when he learned to use that passion to manipulate me. I also wondered if he had used it before, perhaps more successfully.

"We should get ready to leave," I said, after I had regained by composure.

"Now?" Alistair sighed.

"You know it's about a 3 day hike, and I had hoped to have time to visit Shianni in the Alienage," I replied over my shoulder as I moved toward the bedroom.

"Fine, fine," Alistair relented, following me.


	3. Chapter 3

I had hoped the change of scenery would allow me to sleep better. The crackling of a campfire was a welcome sound to both Alistair and I. The smell of pine burning brought back found memories of Oghren drinking more than his weight in ale, and getting into an argument with Leo, my mabari hound. Though I can't really remember what the argument was about, I do remember how mad Oghren was that Leo wouldn't "properly" respond to him. It made me a little sad to think of Leo. Though he had survived the war, the taint he acquired was too strong and rather than force him to suffer through a few more months with us, I opted to end his pain quickly.

Alistair laid his bedroll near the fire. We had brought along a small tent, but it was such a beautiful night that he had elected not to set it up, opting instead for sleeping under the stars. I sat a moment longer, staring at the stars and reminiscing. With the cold wind reminding me that it was getting late, I rolled my bedroll out next to Alistair's and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I focused my mind, the fogginess of sleep rolling off me like the ocean's tide slowly receding. I found myself holding a dagger to Alistair's throat. He was still in his sleeping clothes, and judging by the moon's height it was roughly midnight. By the way he was hovering over me, I could tell I hadn't been silent in my nightmare this time. Most likely he was trying to wake me only to find himself at the end of a less than empty threat.

My arm dropped back onto the ground, the dagger hitting the dirt with a thud. I let it roll out of my open palm, the deep internal pain of threating my lover taking over. Alistair sat back on his knees, still straddling my hips. Even though he knew I was also a warrior and could easily stand him sitting on me, he always opted for safer rather than sorry when it came to me.

"I'm so…." I started to apologize, but he put a hand to my lips to stop me.

"Tell me," he demanded, looking very seriously into my eyes.

I knew this look. It's the same look he had given Eamon when he said he would not support an overthrow of Anora. The same look he had given me when asking if I was serious about sleeping with Morrigan.

"About how much I love you?" I deflected, shifting nervously.

Grabbing my arms, he pinned them to the ground and repeated his request, now a plea. His eyes didn't show me any sign of wavering. A small tear involuntarily slipped from my eye, as my resolve to keep my sins to myself waivered and I began to tell him everything. After my rather lengthy confession, including my nightmare, Alistair fell back, sitting between my legs. I slowly sat up, trying to understand the emotions in his eyes.

"Say something," I whispered, extending my hand to touch his cheek.

He slapped it away and stood up. I'm sure he thought he was saying something coherent, but the mumblings were not something I could understand. With that he walked off into the darkness of the woods. I fought the urge to follow him, knowing he needed time along to process.


End file.
